Roselands FC

Parents Corner

Articles For Parents To Read:

Let the Children Play
Game Day
Is This Someone You Know
Thoughts & Guidelines For Parents
Rules For Spectators
6 Things A Parent Should Say To Their Player
Field Locations
Soccer Glossary

Let The Children Play!

Parents should avoid excessive criticism of their children when watching them play.

Do's and Don'ts For Parents and Coaches

Don'ts

1 . DON'T shout instructions to the player with the ball. (The player has enough problems maintaining possession of the ball while making quick and difficult decisions about what to do next. The player doesn’t need your input. The player must learn to make his/her own decisions.)

2. DON'T use phrases such as "Boot the ball", "Kick it", "Send it", "Belt the ball" etc. (First of all you are violating rule #1; second you are encouraging panic rather than good decision making and mindless kicking rather than possession of the ball.)

3. DON'T try to control the game from the sidelines. YOU CAN’T! (Soccer is not a game in which the coach is an active participant in the game itself. Soccer is a game played, controlled and ultimately coached by the players on the field. Teach the players to "coach" themselves.)

4 . DON'T try to teach "aggressiveness". (In the game of soccer what is perceived as aggressive play is merely a reflection of the confidence a player has in his/her own abilities. Teach the skills that generate confidence; encourage players to believe in their skills and themselves. If you do they will play "aggressively". If you preach "aggressiveness" as a goal unto itself you will likely reap the opposite of what you seek.)

5. DON'T abuse game officials or show disrespect for your opponent. (Referees do make mistakes, but they make far fewer mistakes than your players. Your opponents deserve your respect; they are NOT your enemy! Your players will learn from your example; be aware of the example you are setting.)

6. DON'T forget Rule Number One!

DO’S

1. DO offer suggestions to players not currently involved in what is happening on the field. (Brief words of advice or wisdom are helpful to players who have the time to consider your advice. But the suggestions should be made to players currently out of the game or to players on the field, but far from the ball, who can give your counsel both attention and consideration.)

2. DO encourage players to use the skills they are being taught. (The learning of skills in practice is but the first step in the development of any player. Players must be encouraged [and sometimes pushed] to experiment with skills in scrimmages and games. If at first such an approach costs you goals, learn to accept such temporary setbacks as the price of progress. Do not view mistakes as unacceptable; recognize that each mistake is an opportunity to help a player improve. Soccer is a game best learned by trial and error. If you teach that mistakes are unacceptable you will discourage many from trying and progress will come to an end.)

3. DO teach the players to coach themselves on the field. (By the time players find themselves on a full size field they will not be able to hear you anyway. The players must learn to assist each other in making the hundreds of split-second decisions that each game requires.)

4. DO teach the players the skills. DO encourage them to hold the ball long enough to make good decisions about what to do next. (Although incorporating new possession skills into a game situation often brings failure at first, abandoning the effort in favour of "booting" the ball guarantees that development will be limited.)

Game Day

Parents of young athletes play a vital role in their children’s development in sport. Some parents struggle in their efforts to positively influence their children in this sporting environment. Well-intentioned, much of the time, some of their methods employ over-questioning, critical comments and unrealistic demands toward their children. The situations that many young soccer athletes deal with before, during and after games and training sessions could bring a grown adult to tears.

Consider the following story about Mr. John Jones and his 11-year-old daughter Jean as they experience “Game Day”.

“Interrogation on Wheels”…Pregame

The car door closes. Jean seat belts herself in. John starts the engine. The car begins to move and John starts the interrogation:

“What position is coach going to play you in today?”

“Are you going to start?”

“Take some shots yourself today; you don’t have to pass to Mary all the time.”

“Be more aggressive on your tackles.”

“Don’t take any grief from the other team!”

“Work on your mental toughness today.”

“Match Mouth”…The Game

Mr. Jones and Jean arrive at the field. Jean is gathering her stuff. John locks the doors of the car. He still has a few minutes to walk with Jean to the field and bestow upon her a few more tidbits of advice:

“Don’t be lazy this game!”

“Keep your head in the Game.”

“Don’t forget to ask the coach to put you at forward.”

The match begins and Jean is not starting. John’s body tenses, his teeth begin to grind and negative self-talk (talking to oneself) begins:

“This guy doesn’t know what he’s doing!”

“I bet he won’t let her play forward.”

“I should have put her on another team.”

Jean finally gets into the game. She is playing left defender. More negative semi-self-talk (becoming audible):

“What is he doing?”

“It’s clear that he doesn’t like her!”

“She can’t even kick a ball with her left foot!”

As the game progresses, an opposing player, on Jean’s side of the field, receives the ball and dribbles straight at her. John’s negative “coaching” comments begin so that Jean can hear them:

“Stop backing up…be aggressive…step up!”

“Come on…get the ball…tackle her!”

Jean trips and falls as the opponent dribbles by her. The opponent proceeds to cross the ball and a goal is scored against Jean’s team. John is beside himself with rage! He just can’t stand it! He throws his arms down vigorously and begins to pace the touchline for a few steps. His negative comments become extremely vocal…he is willing to share them with anyone who will listen!

“Jean…Get up…what are you doing?!”

“I knew it…this coach doesn’t have a clue!”

“Hey ref…she knocked her down…call something for a change!”

“He should have never put her in the back.”

“This is ridiculous!”

The game ends and Jean’s team loses 1-0. The coach is talking to the team and Mr. John Jones decides that he must talk to the coach RIGHT NOW…IMMEDIATELY! It cannot wait! He walks over to where the team is sitting, interrupts the coach in an angry tone, and informs him that he wants to talk to him. Jean is embarrassed. The coach suggests that Mr. Jones step away and wait until he is done speaking to the team. Then he will speak with Mr. Jones privately. John Jones storms off and says, “Forget it!” His anger has reached a pinnacle:

“I can’t believe this guy!”

“He has no respect for the parents!”

“I’m taking my daughter off this team!”

Anyone within earshot has heard John’s comments… including the players.

“Interrogation on Wheels Again”…Post-Game

Mr. Jones gets into his car and tells Jean to hurry up and get in. Once out of the parking lot, it begins…

“Didn’t you ask him if you could play forward?”

“He doesn’t know what he is doing anyway!”

“What have I told you about diving in on the tackle…you have to stay balanced and be aggressive!”

“We are going to another club, where you can play forward!”

Mr. John Jones and his daughter Jean get home. Jean gets out of the car in tears, goes up to her room…and decides to quit soccer!

Friendly Advice:

I am sure that you, as parents of a youth soccer player, have witnessed some of this parental behavior. Here are a few ideas on “Game Day” that might help to make a positive difference in your child’s development in sport.

Pre-Game

Make a few positive, support comments to your child…”I can’t wait to see your game today. Have some FUN!”

Help your child get the proper nutrition she needs prior to the competition.

Prior to a game, any good sports psychologist or coach will tell you that it is important for the athlete to get mentally ready for the competition through “positive self-talk”. The ride to the game is a good time for this. Some athletes like to listen to music during this time. Some athletes want to talk a bit…let your child start the discussion or ask the question if they desire. It is very difficult for your child to mentally prepare for the competition when you are hording all of the time with your questions and advice!

The Game

Cheer on the athletes for both teams. They are trying their best. They are youth players and what you say really does affect them…whether you are their parent or not!

Please DO NOT try to coach your child or the other players. The players must focus their attention on the game and, at times, their coach and the referee. There is a lot to think about in the game of soccer. Let them focus.

Post-Game

Good parents and coaches know that immediately after the game it is time for mental, emotional and physical regeneration.

A positive word about their efforts in the game is very helpful and means a lot to your child.

Please don’t analyze the game or your child’s performance in the game. The coach will do this at the next training session.

Final Thought

Enjoy watching your children play…it will be much less stressful on you and, certainly, on them.

Is This You or Someone You Know?

Whoever coined the phrase "no use in beating a dead horse" obviously never dealt with soccer parents.

I'm tired of saying the same old stuff about parents and their role as spectators on the soccer field, but since it remains an ever-increasing problem, I will continue to beat this dead horse until I pass out from exhaustion. I would rather have to watch cats in the backyard through the sliding glass door, than to sit next to one of these soccer parents.

In an attempt to humiliate the offending parties, and as well to dazzle and amuse you the reader, I am going to classify each of these criminals into the following categories:

1.The Parent/Coach: The Parent/Coach is not only the coach, but also the parent of one of the players. This person's child starts every game, plays every minute, and is "never the cause of any problems on or off the field."
However, most of the other parents know very well, that if this person wasn't the coach, there would be no chance on earth that their child would have ever made the team as anything other than a goalpost.

2. The Parent/Apparent Coach: The Parent/Apparent Coach is more than just a parent of a player, but also a coach of some other team. This means he/she is not only obnoxious, but is also convinced that he/she knows more than the coach about the team, soccer, coaching, the rules, the game, and most other subjects in the dictionary. In
reality, the Parent/Apparent Coach either doesn't know more than the coach, or knows more than the coach but doesn't have the common decency to keep his/her trap shut.

3. The Parent/Apparent Non-Coach: The Parent/Apparent Non-Coach is worse than the Parent/Apparent Coach for one reason. This person thinks he/she knows more than the coach, but doesn't, and doesn't realize how often this is evident.

4. The Ignorant: This person is not a soccer person. He/she does not know the rules, has never played the game, has no understanding of the game, and still finds things to shout out loud. For example, "how come the person in the goalie thing doesn't match the rest of the players," or "how come everyone can't use their hands," or "tackle her."

This person should be left in the trunk of the Oldsmobile during the game.

5. The Rambo: This is a super-violent, completely non-restrained, bozo (usually male) who craves violence. This person has a stressful life, probably drinks too much alcohol, and beats his wife and kids. He/she goes to the soccer match to start a fight, or to at least relieve the week’s pent-up anxiety and stress. The Rambo is often found yelling things like, "crush him, kick her, punch him, trip him, tackle him, hurt him, whack her, get her back, etc." This person also applauds when there are injuries, violent acts, cautions, ejections, own goals, or when the referee gets hit in the face by a floating pass. The Rambo is quite possibly the lowest form of human slime.

6. The Lobbyist: This parent is an influential person in the community... lawyer, doctor, accountant, assemblyman, entrepreneur, etc. that has wealth and power to lure the coach with. This parent buys a position on the team and suitable playing time for their child with favors of financial support. "If my son makes this team, I am planning to buy the team new uniforms, build a clubhouse, pay for tournaments and set-up a booster club to help pay the coaches a little more for their efforts."

7. The Home Team Fanatic: This person means well, but cannot view the game objectively. The Home Team Fanatic sees every foul against his/her team as a bad call. Every foul against the opponent is a good call. Any goal scored by his/her team is a "great" goal. Any goal scored by the opponent is "lucky." If his/her team loses, the opponent cheated. If his/her team wins it was because they outplayed the competition. Anytime the ball is touched by his/her team, the Home Team Fanatic cheers. Anytime the ball is touched by the opponent, the Home Team Fanatic boos.

8. The Siren: This is an easily excitable parent (usually female). Intense play brings a high-pitched squealing or screeching sound from the Screamer. This sound is usually accompanied by uncontrollable bouncing up and down, nervous pacing, hat throwing, coffee drinking or umbrella tossing. Sometimes the pleasant experience of the Screamer is enhanced with the use of air horns, tubas, snare drums, baby rattles, and party horns. Screamers are often seen wearing scarves, hats, sunglasses, trench coats and occasionally holding small children that have confused looks on their faces.

9. The Expectant Father: This person expects "better" from their child at a game. Players dread riding home in the same car as the Expectant Father. This person is type A personality, and always criticizes the play of his child. "Why did you miss that shot? Didn't you see the goalkeeper fall down? How come you look so slow out there?

Don't you remember what I told you about being aggressive? You need to go to the ball faster. Why don't you dribble more? You look like you don't want to play. Your teammates pass better than you." etc, etc, etc.

10.The Zen Master: This parent is quiet. Head hung down, staring at his/her feet, and pacing slowly down the sideline. This parent stays alone in a corner and smiles when passed by. After the game is over, the player usually has to go tell the Zen Master parent that the game has ended and their team has won again. The Zen Master usually says... "Good. Are you ready to go now?"

Well, that's it in a nutshell. The only thing I can add is, don't be like these people. Be attentive, supportive, reserved, and positive and have a sense of humor when it comes to youth soccer. Sit back, enjoy, and don't be part of the problem.

Thoughts & Guidelines for Parents

Dear Parents,

Roselands Raptors Soccer Footbal Club has set forth guidelines to enhance the enjoyment & allow a positive playing & learning environment for our players. Please respect & follow the club’s philosophy on sideline behavior. Do take the time to read the pertaining information on this subject ”Do’s & Don’ts” & “Let The Children Play” and other articles in Parents Corner on our website www.abbotsfordsoccer.com and read how you as a parent can help your child’s team & coach .
If you try to coach, interfere, yell or bellow instructions to players during games or practices or display negative attitudes & poor sportsmanship.
You Undermine The Following:

(A) The Club’s philosophy ( Soccer Is A Player’s Game & Let The Game Be The Teacher)
(B) What we are teaching the coaches
(C) What the coaches are teaching the players
(D) Your child’s enjoyment & development

A. Help your coach run a good team:

1. If you want your child to improve his or her skills and performance, then get the child to practices and give them chances to have fun practicing around home. The parents' primary jobs are to pay, drive, and offer positive support.
2. You can help the team by volunteering for one of the many tasks that make the team run smoothly … coordinating pictures, snacks, first-aid, or a telephone tree, or being an assistant coach or a referee, or what-have you … check with your team coach or team manager.
3. Help your player get ready for practice & games by having the right clothing & equipment. Soccer shoes & shin guards are a must. Socks go outside shin guards and cover them completely. Hat, gloves, leggings, and polypropylene or similar undershirt are often needed for those wet, cold fall days. Yes, yes, soccer is played in the rain. Every player should take a ball and a water bottle (preferably filled) to practice. Remove jewelry (earrings, watches, necklaces, etc.). Pick your child up promptly from practice or a game.
4. Many coaches are working without enough at-practice support. A second parent with some skills really enhances every practice. Even an unskilled parent can go through the drills and small-sided practices with the team. A second adult can encourage a reluctant player along, take a disruptive child out of the way, or help a coach keep things going if a player is ill or injured. Do be sure you and the coach communicate and place final authority with the coach.
5. Everyone agrees that communication is very important. If anything at all is bothering your child, let the coach know as soon as possible. Give him or her the opportunity to adjust to make your child's experience more rewarding and enjoyable.
6. More coaches are needed at all playing levels! If you think you can, then talk to your club about volunteering. Coaching clinics and other assistance is readily available.

B. Expectations for parent behavior at game time:

The emotional involvement of parents and spectators does need some outlet.
While spectators should be encouraged to cheer all kids we should also follow these guidelines during both games and practices to allow a calm & relaxed atmosphere for kids to train & play in.

1. Before the game, there are three things to tell your player: (1) I love you; (2) Good luck, and (3) Have fun. Leave the coaching to the coach & the game to the player. Do not bribe player to score goals!

2. Cheering encouragement is fine, but you should not instruct (i.e. coach) the players in any way. It confuses the children, hampers their ability to play, and undermines the efforts of the coach. Avoid coaching by avoiding commands (e.g.” Get Rid of It” “Boot it”. “Pass It”, “Shoot” “Hustle” “It’s Your Ball”). Avoid running up & down sidelines or hanging around goalposts to offer advice.

3. Be conscious that judgment comments are risky as well (e.g. “Great Pass”, “Good Shot”), as they may be counter to a coach’s instructions or if not technically correct, may reinforce bad playing habits. Positive encouragement can be offered with general comments (e.g. “Way to go” “Great Effort” “Good Stuff”)

4. Be polite to other spectators, including those from the opposition. If you are disturbed by any screaming parent and want to make an attempt to quiet that person, use savvy tactics. Seek to distract that person from yelling or coaching by engaging him/her in casual conversation or let them know about Club guidelines in a non-confrontational manner.

5. After the game, there are three things to tell your player: (1) I love you; (2) it was great to see you play and (3) what would you like to eat? Do not analyze their playing or the game. Promote good sportsmanship. Stress the positives. Rise above the negatives.

C. Respect the referees:

a. Yes, referees make mistakes, but so do the players and coaches. It is not acceptable to yell at the referee. The coach is held responsible for parent behavior and can be cautioned for any spectator’s behavior. Youth soccer is not the time to "chew on" or harass a referee. Also, the youth referee may the son or daughter of one of your business or neighborhood acquaintances. A rude and obnoxious parent often embarrasses him or herself and usually mortifies their child.
b. FYI: Many recreational and club select games are refereed by teenagers. They must be FIFA licensed at grade 8 or above, which requires a week of classes and some practical training. We use licensed Refs for U-10 games and refs at U-8 & U-9 are usually volunteer parents so when they ref your child’s game they are learning as well. Please respect the Ref regardless of age.

“Remember We Are All Part Of A Club And On The Same Team When It Comes To The Players.”

Rules for Spectators

Rule No. 1: Keep POSITIVE.
When the players are working hard, they need and deserve everyone's best POSITIVE encouragement and support. They need to know you're there and that their effort is appreciated. Most teams have a tough enough time developing a sense of teamwork and achievement at the same time the players are gaining experience and skill. They DO NOT need to hear YOUR anxiety piled on top of their own when the game is going poorly. If you really want to make things worse, crank your voice up a few notches and shout "Get it outta there!"

Rule No. 2: DO NOT CRITICIZE referees or players of either team for any reason.

If the referees really ARE doing poorly, they may get angry or offended by critical spectators and that may make things tougher for the team. If they are good at what they do, they will ignore you, or perhaps ask you to leave the field. Either situation is at best distracting and at worst reflects poorly on the team's overall sportsmanship.

Publicly criticizing players on your team can really hurt team morale. They will already have an EXCELLENT idea what their weaknesses are from their coaches and teammates. They will not need reminders from their families, friends and other spectators.

The players for the other team are also trying hard and in truth are probably no meaner or nastier than players from your team. Criticism is simply poor sportsmanship and leads to unnecessary bad feelings on and off the field. The unfortunate spectacle of supposed adult shouting insults at a child on a soccer field is merely disgusting. Soccer is a game, not a war.

Rule No. 3: Don't coach players from the sidelines or for that matter while THEY are on the sidelines.

In most clubs, coaching from the sidelines is frowned on, and rightly so. Soccer is different from most sports in the North America, because it is a game of the players. Coaches are supposed to intrude as little as possible.

If you feel a child is not doing what should be done, tell the coaches, not the player. As parents occasionally discover, a player may be doing EXACTLY what the coaches have instructed. Either way, a parent can help a player's athletic development much better working together with the coaches, not independently.

Rule No. 4: Give the players, coaches and referees room to work and stay away from the goal area to avoid interfering with those involved in the game.

Rule No. 5: Remember, IT'S ONLY A GAME.

Don't forget, YOUR attitude on the sidelines can affect the mood and success of the team. If the coaches think that your sidelines activity is hurting team performance in any way, they should promptly advise you, hopefully without ruffling any of your feathers. Be tolerant. Emotions run high during games, and feelings are easily hurt. Nevertheless, any spectator, whether parent, friend or player, who persists in inappropriate sidelines behavior after being warned by the coaches should be asked to leave the vicinity of the field. Coaches should not argue with parents at the game. If YOU want to talk about the game, call the coaches later at home or get them aside after the game.

The 6 Things Parents Should Say To Their Player

A lot of soccer parents with good intentions give a 30 minute lecture, covering all the players supposed deficiencies and giving playing advice, in the car on the way to each match. The kids arrive far off their optimal mental state, and dreading the critique they are likely to hear, whether they want it or not, on the way home. Kids who are massaged
in this way tend not to play badly, they just tend to not play, possibly to avoid making mistakes.

The easiest way to detect this problem is just to ask the player if it is a problem. Kids are more than willing to share this grief. The easiest way to correct this problem is to speak to the parents, as a group, about your expectations, and to cover this as a routine problem. Many of the parents will recognize themselves if you can present this problem with humor and illustrate the importance of the kids having fun and arriving in a good state of mind.

For best results, parents should memorize and use the following.

Before the Match :                                 After the Match

I love you                                                 I love you
Good luck                                                 It was great to see you play
Have fun                                                  What would you like to eat?

Top Ten Reasons To Be A Designated Good Sport

1.Because taunting, trash talk and intimidating behavior have no place in youth sports.
2. Your admission is to watch the performance of highly-impressionable kids -- not a license to abuse coaches, officials, players and other spectators.
3. You want others to treat you the way you want to be treated -- and how many of us want to be treated with disrespect?
4. We need more positive role models for our kids.
5. People don't always remember the final score -- but they always remember the fan on the sideline who made a fool our of him or herself.
6. Because coaches and officials are also teachers. Why would you harass them in their classroom?
7. A national survey indicates kids play sports to have fun, not to be number one!
8. It’s how you play the game that counts.
9. It’s simply the right thing to do.
10. Because sportsmanship begins with you! Good Sports Are Winners!

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